things are weird. i guess that's starting school and all, and though so many things have changed now that i'm a (whoop whoop!) SOPHOMORE baby, i've changed. i've developed confidence. if i havent quite developed it, it's developing right now. confidence really is the key to everything. faith. trust. love. friendship. maybe i'm obnoxious sometimes, but i'm not fully matured yet either. i guess that's what highschool is all about. it's about maturing.
i also realized something in the past whopping TWO days of school. yeah i'll have guy friends and i'll have girl friends. the number of each kind will differ. but maybe what matters is just having friends at all in the first place. i really am thankful for having mine. they build my confidence.
time trials on thursday for 2 miles. decides who is on the top seven in cross country. okay, right now i'm not worrying about the top seven. i just want to finish it without walking at all. i ran today for 20 minutes, and just about collapsed. well all i've had to eat today was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and i only had 5 hours of sleep last night, and not any water today, so i was ill-prepared. it was also at 330- the heat of the day. i just hope that i can do something important this cross-country season. i'm just so scared i'm going to dissapoint myself, or somebody else.
i also need to make great grades this year. i'm on scholarship and i have to maintain a B average. i want to have an A average. i'm scared about history and art 2. i just dont know.
the guy i was hoping for. the guy that i went on a couple of dates with, obviously doesnt regard them as dates anymore. i always feel that maybe my first impression on people is satisfactory, but then i seem "needy" after that. he seemed SO interested and we clicked so well. the same weird stuff happens to both of us, we're both extremely sarcastic and love The Family Guy. he's my perfect guy to hope for. he's laid back, likes ben kweller, loves dippin dots, keeps me laughing. has the laid back look with the old tshirt and jeans. has cool friends. things were just ideal. we could be friends, but i thought "why not more?".
so he kinda stopped calling me after a while. after the second date, i felt kinda awkward around him. i would understand why he would feel awkward around me, i mean i did pay for our dinner the second date because he didnt have enough money. i really didnt care at all, but it just made things just weird. he felt bad, i didnt want him to feel bad...all that nonsense. but so last night he IMed me and we were talking and stuff and about 10 minutes into the conversation, we talked about what we did this last weekend. so he went to memphis with his fam to go see his little sister play soccer and apologizes for not doin anything with me this weekend...well then he starts telling me about this girl from jackson, tennessee who he hadnt seen in forever and they spent the entire weekend together. they end up deciding to date long-distance. so i thought that maybe he was making up that whole part so that he wouldnt have to tell me he didnt like me. but i talked to him on the phone afterwards and he was really really enthused about the whole relationship. he's gonna go visit her on holidays and stuff. i just wish i could have a casual, friends-and-relationship kinda thing for a long time with somebody as cool as he is. maybe if i just be patient (which is SO hard for me) things will work themselves out. i dont know how, but things always work out, and the feelings of angst and want will wither away as time passes. just like everything else does too.
i've been single for this whole summer, and it's been wonderful. no tension. no obligation. no guilt. i have just been free, but for some reason i wanted a relationship or something with him. maybe it's good that he has this new girl
because i cant feel bad if things were to have fallen through with us anyway. i can blame it on the new girlfriend. he might not even know i had or have these feelings. things were so vague with him. it's not like we were exclusive. we were friends for a year and i'm sure we'll be friends for even longer now. or i dont know. maybe things will fade. i just feel weird about this whole post now.
sorry so long
sorry i havent posted in a while!! anyway i've gotta go take a shower, rest and watch some teev, do some homo-work, convince evan to make me a stellar cd (even though he doesnt like the word stellar) and do some great things like that.
Every time we get close I just run, and the wind on my face, last rays of the sun shine on my skin, my heart slow me down. Is all that I can feel. - tracy chapman
i also realized something in the past whopping TWO days of school. yeah i'll have guy friends and i'll have girl friends. the number of each kind will differ. but maybe what matters is just having friends at all in the first place. i really am thankful for having mine. they build my confidence.
time trials on thursday for 2 miles. decides who is on the top seven in cross country. okay, right now i'm not worrying about the top seven. i just want to finish it without walking at all. i ran today for 20 minutes, and just about collapsed. well all i've had to eat today was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and i only had 5 hours of sleep last night, and not any water today, so i was ill-prepared. it was also at 330- the heat of the day. i just hope that i can do something important this cross-country season. i'm just so scared i'm going to dissapoint myself, or somebody else.
i also need to make great grades this year. i'm on scholarship and i have to maintain a B average. i want to have an A average. i'm scared about history and art 2. i just dont know.
the guy i was hoping for. the guy that i went on a couple of dates with, obviously doesnt regard them as dates anymore. i always feel that maybe my first impression on people is satisfactory, but then i seem "needy" after that. he seemed SO interested and we clicked so well. the same weird stuff happens to both of us, we're both extremely sarcastic and love The Family Guy. he's my perfect guy to hope for. he's laid back, likes ben kweller, loves dippin dots, keeps me laughing. has the laid back look with the old tshirt and jeans. has cool friends. things were just ideal. we could be friends, but i thought "why not more?".
so he kinda stopped calling me after a while. after the second date, i felt kinda awkward around him. i would understand why he would feel awkward around me, i mean i did pay for our dinner the second date because he didnt have enough money. i really didnt care at all, but it just made things just weird. he felt bad, i didnt want him to feel bad...all that nonsense. but so last night he IMed me and we were talking and stuff and about 10 minutes into the conversation, we talked about what we did this last weekend. so he went to memphis with his fam to go see his little sister play soccer and apologizes for not doin anything with me this weekend...well then he starts telling me about this girl from jackson, tennessee who he hadnt seen in forever and they spent the entire weekend together. they end up deciding to date long-distance. so i thought that maybe he was making up that whole part so that he wouldnt have to tell me he didnt like me. but i talked to him on the phone afterwards and he was really really enthused about the whole relationship. he's gonna go visit her on holidays and stuff. i just wish i could have a casual, friends-and-relationship kinda thing for a long time with somebody as cool as he is. maybe if i just be patient (which is SO hard for me) things will work themselves out. i dont know how, but things always work out, and the feelings of angst and want will wither away as time passes. just like everything else does too.
i've been single for this whole summer, and it's been wonderful. no tension. no obligation. no guilt. i have just been free, but for some reason i wanted a relationship or something with him. maybe it's good that he has this new girl
because i cant feel bad if things were to have fallen through with us anyway. i can blame it on the new girlfriend. he might not even know i had or have these feelings. things were so vague with him. it's not like we were exclusive. we were friends for a year and i'm sure we'll be friends for even longer now. or i dont know. maybe things will fade. i just feel weird about this whole post now.
sorry so long
sorry i havent posted in a while!! anyway i've gotta go take a shower, rest and watch some teev, do some homo-work, convince evan to make me a stellar cd (even though he doesnt like the word stellar) and do some great things like that.
Every time we get close I just run, and the wind on my face, last rays of the sun shine on my skin, my heart slow me down. Is all that I can feel. - tracy chapman
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