stuff is going on. i'm involved in it. sometimes i feel like the middle person, like i'm just watching, but most of the time i feel pretty involved. good stuff is going on. weird, awkward stuff is going on. frustration is present, but often cornered by relief. i'm more reserved. i'm less self-righteous. i'm extremely happy about that. i had more fun being outgoing, but i think i'm becoming maybe more of the person i want to be by reserving myself, but at the same time, not closing myself off.
okay so i'm trying to patch things up with my brother. we used to be uber close. i played (and enjoyed it) with him EVERY day. when i reached my preteen years, we kinda drifted, and now that he's in his preteens, i wanna be there for him because i didnt have somebody older there for me. and now that i have my license (EE!!!) i can take him places and spend more time with him. i just want us to be friends. i admire him so much.
the end of cross country makes me think more about my off-season motivation for running. on the way home from oxford laaate saturday night, my dad told me stories to keep me awake. he told me about agon, which is the struggle within yourself. agon is the greek root word for AGONY, which means intense pain. greek men and women who ran marathons would simply run for the sensation of agon. i recognize that feeling, and i really think that only runners can easily recognize its whole presence. it's that feeling in my lungs that i cant breath anymore, the feeling in my quads that i cant lift them anymore, the pain in my shoulders that i cant hold myself up anymore, the powerful tightness in my stomach that i cant stomach it anymore, and it's the voice in my head that tells me i need rest. those are my symptoms of agon, and it is always present in me. it gives me the cue to really start running hard, and sometimes i want to give into that voice in my head. i just want to WALK. but when i block everything out, voices, pain, competitors, all i can feel is me winning over agon. me winning over myself.
i cant let my grades drop. i'm scared that i havent been spending enough time with studying, we havent had a test ALL WEEK, and i only had one test last week. i work better when i have a LOT to do, and it's imperative for me to manage my time wisely. otherwise, i dont get anything done because i slack off, not worrying. i really do post about the same things over and over again. sorry, i know it's not entertaining, but i need to get it all out of me. so THERE! haha
everything moves so fast I should know it won't last
take some stock -what you are, what you see, what you got.
it tells me true I want a connection to
someone something
edge of a knife been missing it all my life
someone something
they get you where you live
don't go back you can't go back again -spoon
okay so i'm trying to patch things up with my brother. we used to be uber close. i played (and enjoyed it) with him EVERY day. when i reached my preteen years, we kinda drifted, and now that he's in his preteens, i wanna be there for him because i didnt have somebody older there for me. and now that i have my license (EE!!!) i can take him places and spend more time with him. i just want us to be friends. i admire him so much.
the end of cross country makes me think more about my off-season motivation for running. on the way home from oxford laaate saturday night, my dad told me stories to keep me awake. he told me about agon, which is the struggle within yourself. agon is the greek root word for AGONY, which means intense pain. greek men and women who ran marathons would simply run for the sensation of agon. i recognize that feeling, and i really think that only runners can easily recognize its whole presence. it's that feeling in my lungs that i cant breath anymore, the feeling in my quads that i cant lift them anymore, the pain in my shoulders that i cant hold myself up anymore, the powerful tightness in my stomach that i cant stomach it anymore, and it's the voice in my head that tells me i need rest. those are my symptoms of agon, and it is always present in me. it gives me the cue to really start running hard, and sometimes i want to give into that voice in my head. i just want to WALK. but when i block everything out, voices, pain, competitors, all i can feel is me winning over agon. me winning over myself.
i cant let my grades drop. i'm scared that i havent been spending enough time with studying, we havent had a test ALL WEEK, and i only had one test last week. i work better when i have a LOT to do, and it's imperative for me to manage my time wisely. otherwise, i dont get anything done because i slack off, not worrying. i really do post about the same things over and over again. sorry, i know it's not entertaining, but i need to get it all out of me. so THERE! haha
everything moves so fast I should know it won't last
take some stock -what you are, what you see, what you got.
it tells me true I want a connection to
someone something
edge of a knife been missing it all my life
someone something
they get you where you live
don't go back you can't go back again -spoon
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