free myself. let go and just make everything go up. make it soar. make it go past all the tedious worries. freedom. freedom. run away tonight. run away from all the temptations. complexes. mindsets. surroundings. make it my own world. everything i perceive is my world, no mattter how it is portrayed. i dont know what life is. there is no way to know. why? why? why? is all i can ask. it doesnt help. all these words. all these tons and tons of words that define foundations of my life. LOVE is huuuuuge and it's so ill-defined. so foggy. how do we know that it even fits inside the boundaries of the definition or even the word. been raised episcopalian. love it. fragments of htoughts. stained glass broken into pieces of color-streaked light. my life. my love. my perspective. so funny what i claim as "mine". the things i love to know about. the things i touch. the things i know. the things i see. the things i favor. the people i feel okay with. t he people i want to feel okay with. the people i want to feel more than okay with. the boundaries that hold me back. the STUPID walls that hold me back that i know good and well enough to break out of. but i dont? yes. i dont. ignorance and uniformity is so easy. so blissful. i love it. but i'm not happy with it. i'm not settled. get me out of it! so i'm out of it. now i'm alone. on a quest for truth out by myself. independence might eat me alive. or am i really alive. is life just a dream? just a perception of experiences. is God my purpose? What is God? I want God. I want to believe in Him. i want to BELIEVE Him. Free me from this hassle.

But right now
Everything is turning blue,
And right now
The sun is trying to kill the moon,
And right now
I wish I could follow you
To the shores
Of freedom
Where no one lives -arthur